Welcome to M.U.L.E Equipment Inc. Where size matters.
Lets turn back time and give a very brief U.S. History lesson. The standard United States sizing system and the insulting size names that men use today, names such as small, medium, large and extra-large were initially created in the 1800’s to meet the uniform demand for soldiers fighting in the Civil War. Fast forward a few years from bros fighting bros in the Gray and Blue, a genius thought of the idea to add the size extra extra-large into the mix of standard sizes and there you have it, standard size names that would stick for 218+ years.
To the fine readers who ended up on our page and somehow clicked this link, first we want to say thank you for exploring M.U.L.E and thank you to the great people who decided to group soldiers together and create these sizes. However, M.U.L.E is here to disrupt complacency. The words like small, medium, and large haunt us in our sleep. If we at M.U.L.E could dress up as one thing to scare children on halloween, it would be an outfit that is in the shape of the word small or medium. How this has been the standard for the last 218 years? we could not begin to tell you. How we have been okay with walking into a JC Penneys, Macy’s, or Dicks Sporting Goods and asking the clerk, “excuse me maam, do you have this shirt in a small?”, we cannot fathom. Moving forward we would rather just be naked than ask for that size. Fear not, as superman is always there to rescue Louis Lane in distress, we are here to not only change the game... but save the day. We no longer abide by the laws of “small, medium, large, extra large, and extra extra large”.
Welcome to M.U.L.E Sizing. You will never refer to one
our garments as a small, medium, large, extra large, or extra extra large ever again. You will promote what you have earned, and you will represent it with conviction.
We set the new standard.
Welcome to Big.
Often times when you attempt to fly in an airplane you
have to purchase two tickets per flight thus robbing your protein budget blind on a monthly basis. Often times you find yourself struggling to tie your shoes so you just result to velcro. Often times you find yourself breaking a couple door frames from pulling the door to hard.
We're here to empathize with you.
It's not your fault you pulled the door off the hinges; maybe the architect who decided to buy cheap hinges at wal-mart should have reconsidered the materials before he installed a half ass door. We know every supplement store owner has to hold additional property insurance for when you the big mule comes in every week for his heavy weight gainer.
But let’s not forget what's underneath the giant structure of a human being you are, it’s the big mind, the big heart, and big goals that make a true man like you achieve what the other people around you can’t. They are stuck hanging up a picture of you on the mirror that they stare at every day while they tie their miserable tie because they aspire to be made up of only 10% of your body composition.
Being Big is a lifestyle. Please continue in your ways.
We think it was the Monstars from Space Jam that first realized back in ’96 after they touched the basketball that they were bigger than their boss and strapped him to a rocket a blew him to oblivion. Basically the same approach they took, you take every day in your life simply not taking anything from anyone.
Being bigger is a blessing that is earned through a dilligaf attitude when your girl looks at you in amazement as you pour 8 scoops instead of 4 scoop recommendation of that 1000 cal protein shake into a blender, and crack 6 raw eggs straight to the face basically laughing in the face of salmonella.
Being bigger than everything around you is the goal, and as Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber said on the front of the moped when arriving in Aspen…. "we’re there". Congratulations on your sheer size and massive accomplishments.
Welcome to Bigger.
Sunday’s crossword is always the toughest of the week. You need a four letter word to complete the puzzle and the description simply says “your name”. Well screw the pen and go ahead and grab a hammer and chizzle because make no mistake you are HUGE. Huge spelled backwards is "EGUH" which doesn’t make any sense, and what also doesn’t make sense is how insanely large of a human being you are.
Thankfully M.U.L.E has created something you can actually fit in so round of applause for the huge animal you have become.
Welcome to Huge my friend. It has been waiting for you.
- Hulk -
a green-skinned, muscular humanoid possessing a vast degree of physical strength.
You may not be green skinned, but your size has you walking through door frames sideways, cracking the side walk when you tread down main street, or ripping your t-shirts on a daily basis because you struggle to get them off via the traditional method of ‘’one arm at a time’’.
Welcome to Hulking.
Where you have graduated from Huge and you are moving onto bigger and better clothing.
Have you heard of the gain train?
Yeah, you stood in its way and derailed it two weeks ago.
Hulk may look bigger at first glance...but he was not a god.
Some think Hercules is a myth. We are here to correct you.
We saw him last week working the desk at our local gym. Before his shift he hit chest, curled the world, did payroll, mopped the floors and restocked the vending machine. Shall we name some of his other accomplishments?
1. Slayed the Nemean Lion.
2. Slayed the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra.
3. Captured the Golden Hind of Artemis.
4. Captured the Erymanthian Boar.
5. Slayed the Stymphalian Birds.
6. Captured the Cretan Bull.
7. Steal the Mares of Diomedes.
8. Obtain the girdle of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons.
9. Obtain the cattle of the monster Geryon.
10. Steal the apples of the Hesperides.
Welcome to the size of Herculean. Where your size surmounts to the accomplishments of the almighty God Hercules. The man who slayed monsters, stepped on bandits and still found the time to pay his taxes. The ancients honored him with his own temples, altars, ceremonies, and priests. I mean the guy had five ships of the US Navy, four ships of the Spanish Navy, four of the Argentine Navy and two of the Swedish Navy named after him. Need we say more?
You are Herculean.
Now go meet with gym management and demand a statue of yourself be placed at the entrance.
Hello class, lets begin todays lesson on size with the real definition of “Behemoth”.
noun: Behemoth; plural noun: Behemoths
1) A huge or monstrous creature.
2) Something enormous.
Great, now that we all have a better understanding about what Behemoth means.
Lets apply it to today’s lesson.
Behemoth, the original behemoth was actually biblical; it was designated a mysterious river-dwelling beast in the Book of Job. Based on that description, scholars have concluded that the biblical behemoth was probably inspired by a hippopotamus or crocodile, but details about the creature's exact nature were very vague...
Great. Sounds good. Let's do history a little favor and spice this dish up a bit.
The Behemoth, according to history and M.U.L.E definition, was the biggest creature ever created. Yes bigger than the Abominable Snowman, the Blue Whale, the Megalodon, the Argentinosaurus, the Spinosaurus, the Hulk, and yes; even our beloved Quadzilla.
Fun fact; some scientists even say that the universe is ever growing. American astronomer Edwin Hubble made the observations in 1925 and was the first to prove that the universe is actually expanding. Hands down one of the coolest discoveries ever made, but I hate to break it to Mr. Hubble... the universe is simply just being proactive in making room for the Behemoth.
so with that being said... welcome to Behemoth.
Where your size trumps the five sizes that came before you. Where you sit and think to yourself everyday, how do I get bigger than this? Back in the day Einstein had an amazing concept called “wormholes” and how they are portals or shortcuts into other areas of the universe. Really a wormhole is just a doorway that was created specially for you when you get too big. It's really is great to know someone was looking out for you.
Be proud you have reached the top. Einstein is.